I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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