I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i think i have herpe
just one?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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