My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
