I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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