Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
