you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
