Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
only you would photoshop your dick
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
