WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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