his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I think my moral compass just broke
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