It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
