but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Randomize
