he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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