apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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