dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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