Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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