i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
