lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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