Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
