You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
