Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
