I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
