I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
