Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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