if i can run in heels then i can drive
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
