Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
