Moan for me like Helen Keller
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
