Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
