she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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