im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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