someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
