I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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