my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
