Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
