Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
