Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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