I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
