They should really pass out barf bags in church
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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