thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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