I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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