you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
