you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
