I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
