nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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