google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
