We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
