I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
