Apparently you make a good broom.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
