when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
