i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
How's work?
Spinning.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
