I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
there's paper in my vomit.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
