He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
