then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That was before I lit my hair on fire
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
