I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
MIDGETS
????
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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